I have never been one to do the gooey emotional stuff. I've always preferred to 'keep my cards close to the vest." But it can be critically important to have a sounding board, a means of venting and releasing any garbage that has been able to stick with you longer than it should. It seems so simple but so many can't, or don't let the ever increasing weight of the internal garbage go. Then some are so racked with physical pain, they hit a breaking point from which there is no return.
Recently I learned that someone I worked with and was close to, took his own life. I can't begin to understand the reasons, but I wasn't in his situation either. Years of military service, followed by a decades long career in law enforcement had taken a physical toll on his body, and an irreversible mental toll on his soul. Our last few conversations were mostly him quiet, muttering "Yep" or "Nope" every so often. I knew something was off. I knew I should have made the drive to go see him and maybe go fishing, or setup that deer blind. The man could make the most amazing venison ever! Just thinking about this makes me want to grab that bourbon bottle and reflect on some great times and even better memories. Some of those experiences with him were sketchy, some were simply terrifying. He taught me how to stay calm under the most ridiculous situations, and to always count how many rounds you fire. He taught me how to go from zero to 60 and back to zero in a hot second, when 'it hits the fan.' His Spanish was impeccable, flawless and without measure, especially since he was the whitest guy in history and from northern California. But when he spoke, you would think he was born and raised speaking Espanol, whether at a formal diplomatic event in Mexico City, or at some dive bar cantina in Tijuana. He was an absolute warrior and ready to take the fight to wherever it needed to go. He's where I first heard "Life isn't gum drops and rainbows." No Chief it isn't.
But the laughter and smartass remarks from him are gone forever and all there is now are the memories. So, I will reflect on the lives he saved, the good he did and keep things in perspective, because life isn't gum drops and rainbows. I raise my glass and toast your memory and thank you for saving my life. Rest well brother, rest well .;.
Navy Chief.
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